Dirty jokes

Schoolgirl:I do not want to take the sex Education class.
Teacher: Why?
Schoolgirl: Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.
...
A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary: If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?
Secretary: Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.
....
Girl: Mom, what is a penis?
Mom: When you become a good girl you will get one.
Girl: But mom what if I am not a good girl?
Mom: Then you will get many!
.....
A Sad story.
A woman's husband died & she had him cremated. She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said " Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you".
.....
To make it straight she pulls it.
To make it stand she rubs it.
To make it stiff she licks it.
To let it in she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.
..............
Women's lives are hard.
Morning wash clothes.
Noon hang clothes.
Evening keep clothes.
Nite iron clothes.
Midnight take off clothes.
After midnight find clothes
.............
After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: Why? Want to have sex again.
Thai Girl replied: No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before.
...............
Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know"
Girl replied" Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover"
..........
Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick"
Boss:" When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it"
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house.
...............
Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS. This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought

More

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress